As one year ends and a new one begins with me exactly where I was this time last year: still single, I have found myself giving in to feelings of failure. I look back and wonder, "Could I have done more of __________? Did I need to do less of __________? What did I do wrong?" The past few days, I've been trying to reframe my thinking. I'm instead trying to focus on what this season has taught, and is continuing to teach me.
Seasons of waiting can feel like VERY isolating places to be at times. So as scary as it is, I decided to bring back my blog after a three and a half year hiatus to share three things I've learned in the latest chapter of my single season of waiting. My hope is that if nothing else, it can remind others that they are not alone!
1. Use Your Waiting Time To Work on Yourself
I'll be honest, I used to HATE the phrase “work on yourself.” To me it meant making BIG changes all at once, and I am way too good at putting immense pressure on myself. This year, I realized that it can actually mean to make small changes day by day and week by week to better yourself. At the beginning of 2021, I had a strong feeling that I needed to start attending therapy. I was SO resistant at first. However, the more I resisted, the stronger the feeling became, so naturally I gave in. I've been going to therapy for about a year now. Combined with striving to deepen my relationship and connection with God, I've been able to slowly make changes in my life and the way that I think that are helping me become who I want to become. With PLENTY of slip ups and backslides of course!
2. Define and Live Your Roles in Your Life to the Best of Your Ability
One of the best pieces of advice my therapist gave me this year was first, to define the roles that I have in my life. Then, figure out way to fulfill each of them to the best of my ability. In my family, I defined the roles of daughter, sister, and aunt. I've been surprised this year that although our daily lives look very different, we can relate on so much. I sure love and cherish my relationships with my parents and siblings, but being an aunt absolutely takes the cake. I love nothing more than spoiling my three favorite boys and soaking up every minute I get to spend with them!
I've also poured a lot of time and energy into my role of friend this year. I love taking time to connect with my friends and supporting them in whatever is going on in their lives. I love that even when I can't completely understand what they are going through, I can be a person who can listen and make sure they know they are loved and not alone.
And finally, though I'd be lying if I didn't acknowledge that teaching in a pandemic has been HARD, when push comes to shove I LOVE my role as a teacher. I am also in the process of applying to grad school to help me achieve my next professional goal, one that I am SO excited about! Defining my roles has given my life such a strong sense of meaning and purpose, and increased my self-confidence.
3. Communicate
Finally, I've learned how important it is to communicate. I think that sometimes in whatever our circumstance may be in life, we expect the people in our lives to know exactly how we feel and what we need. I've learned that in reality, that is an unfair expectation. So, it's our job to communicate. For example, I have friends who do NOT like to be set up on dates, and that's okay! I tend to be a pretty shy and reserved person who needs all the help I can get, so I have no problem with being set up! These are things that no one would really know unless they are communicated!
So, to all in a single season, or in any season of waiting, know that you are not alone! I'll leave you with a quote that brings me peace time and time again!
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