This past week, I went to lunch with a close family friend who I have known for most of my life. I realized while I was driving home that almost exactly a year ago, I had gone to lunch with this same family friend at the same exact place. It got me thinking about where I was at that point a year ago. I had just started to open up about my struggles with intense, overwhelming, and almost unbearable feelings of anxiety, inadequacy, and self-doubt. As I grew less and less confident in who I was, I had become more and more withdrawn to the point that I could scarcely look another person in the eye. But the more I opened up, the more it felt as if I was letting out a breath that I had been holding in for months.
Opening up certainly didn't make the problem go away, but it gave me the strength I needed to try anything and everything. I started truly realizing that so much is outside of my control and it is okay to ask for and receive help. I started writing in my journal every day, which began as more of an outlet, but over time became filled with stories of tender moments where I was able to see my strengths and a glimpse of my potential. It was these experiences across many months, the highs and the lows, and the tears and the triumphs that prepared me to be open to answers and new direction. When the surprising answer to lots of prayer came that I needed to make a huge change and move back to Virginia, I was ready to listen and fully trusted the Lord and His plan for me. I got to watch miracles happen, and how beautifully things fell into place.
These last two months since my move, I have been blessed beyond belief. I found a job that is a wonderful fit for me and that I am filled with excitement about. I got to set up my new classroom surrounded by family members eager to help me. My new singles ward has been nothing but welcoming and inclusive. I have never felt so at ease and comfortable so quickly in a new ward. And I have gotten to spend priceless time reconnecting with family.
Sitting at lunch this week in the same spot with the same family friend a year later, I felt like a completely different person. I felt more sure of myself than I have in years. As we talked, I could just feel how different my whole countenance is now. I could look her in the eye and say that I am the happiest right now that I have been in a long time, and mean it. Anxiety will not likely disappear from my life, but I have learned this year that it does not define who I am, what I can work to accomplish, and who I have the potential to become.
We all have challenges in our lives, and we all go through hard times. Sometimes it seems like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. But my testimony is that if we are willing to lean on others, be patient with ourselves, and trust in our Heavenly Father, that we will be able to endure our struggles and see His hand every step of the way. Our Heavenly Father has blessed each of us with amazing abilities and strengths, but also with weaknesses that will help us learn, grow, and become better if we are willing to ask for help. I'm nowhere near perfect, but now I can look back and see how far I have come, how much I have grown, and that I was never alone. And neither are you.
Opening up certainly didn't make the problem go away, but it gave me the strength I needed to try anything and everything. I started truly realizing that so much is outside of my control and it is okay to ask for and receive help. I started writing in my journal every day, which began as more of an outlet, but over time became filled with stories of tender moments where I was able to see my strengths and a glimpse of my potential. It was these experiences across many months, the highs and the lows, and the tears and the triumphs that prepared me to be open to answers and new direction. When the surprising answer to lots of prayer came that I needed to make a huge change and move back to Virginia, I was ready to listen and fully trusted the Lord and His plan for me. I got to watch miracles happen, and how beautifully things fell into place.
These last two months since my move, I have been blessed beyond belief. I found a job that is a wonderful fit for me and that I am filled with excitement about. I got to set up my new classroom surrounded by family members eager to help me. My new singles ward has been nothing but welcoming and inclusive. I have never felt so at ease and comfortable so quickly in a new ward. And I have gotten to spend priceless time reconnecting with family.
Sitting at lunch this week in the same spot with the same family friend a year later, I felt like a completely different person. I felt more sure of myself than I have in years. As we talked, I could just feel how different my whole countenance is now. I could look her in the eye and say that I am the happiest right now that I have been in a long time, and mean it. Anxiety will not likely disappear from my life, but I have learned this year that it does not define who I am, what I can work to accomplish, and who I have the potential to become.
We all have challenges in our lives, and we all go through hard times. Sometimes it seems like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. But my testimony is that if we are willing to lean on others, be patient with ourselves, and trust in our Heavenly Father, that we will be able to endure our struggles and see His hand every step of the way. Our Heavenly Father has blessed each of us with amazing abilities and strengths, but also with weaknesses that will help us learn, grow, and become better if we are willing to ask for help. I'm nowhere near perfect, but now I can look back and see how far I have come, how much I have grown, and that I was never alone. And neither are you.
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